Be the Change You Want To See In The World: Memoirs of an Ex-Pirate

I was there, at Napster.

Actually, I was there in IRC and AOL warez, mm and <>< chat rooms.

Back then, people thought of it differently. I remember when I was talking to some guys, talking about how they have over 72 GB of music (this is back in the late 90's mind you) and just being completely amazed and awed. To think these guys had been able to accumulate such a horde of music and software... it was incredible. Free versions of retail software that I otherwise couldn't ever possibly dream of affording. Tons and tons of music, more music than I had ever known existed at the time. Games... oh man, the games... I wanted some of that.

I remember friends telling me how they leave for school in the morning and set a whole bunch of stuff to download so its going all day... and do the same at night before going to bed. I remember people starting to get CD burners and for the cost of a blank disc you could get practically anything you wish. Someone had it.

And I searched for it. I sought it out. I amassed vast collections and shared them with others. I used the size of my cache to get me into exclusive IRC channels and networks that had minimum GB/TB share sizes. It was a fascinating world... one where people, just like you and me, dealt with incredible values in software and digital media. Like black market cartel tycoons, trading in vast amounts of illicit goods.

And it's not like we didn't know this was wrong. We understood that this was dealing in stolen merchandise, stuff that we didn't pay for but are benefiting from. Free riding on the work and money of others. But honestly, I don't think it really mattered to anyone. It was a subtle acknowledgment. At some point, everyone looked at themselves and said (in one way or another), "What you are doing is wrong." And we looked back and said, "Yeah, but I'm okay with it." Filed it away and moved on.

As time went on and the needs/desires of the pirate community grew, so did the technology. Gone were the days of FTP transfers and multi-part zip files. Things became a lot easier and with it, people who normally wouldn't be pirates due to non-tech-saviness, now they could easily take part in the action.

I remember when I first heard about bittorent. There was a website that posted scan translated copies of japanese manga by a certain artist. When the issue came out in Japan, it was scanned and translated to english by the site owners (or fans) and posted on the site. You downloaded a zip file and looked at jpegs to your hearts content. None of the manga was licensed in America, so it was legit on this side of the pacific. And one day they announced that they wouldn't be posting zip files anymore on the website. It took up too much bandwidth and instead they are going to use this thing called bittorent.

The day the manga was to be posted on the site, they got some people to seed the files and everyone, using the software off bittorent.com, was able to get it really quickly and easily. As long as people seeded we were able to download it whenever we wanted and, hey, be cool and seed for a while whydoncha. Sure, why not. It worked and everyone was happy. Most people still didn't really know about it.

But then people wised up and realized, hey, you can send ANYTHING via bittornet! Things exploded from there... bittorent sites were created and well, you know what happened then.

I was still on board onto this point. It became so easy to get anything you wanted that I grew beyond the need for a collection. If there was something I wanted, I torrented it. When I was done, I deleted it. If I needed it again, no sweat, rinse and repeat. I even considered myself tame in comparison to some friends of mine... hell, everyone! Torrenting had just become a part of life, something you did as easily as check e-mail and post on facebook. It's then that some things changed for me.

All through college, I was simultaneously working on internship stuff for the CCG (and hobby gaming) industry. Ran playtest groups, worked conventions, did demos, ran tournaments, forums, etc. etc. etc. I knew that no matter what, I wanted to work in games. That is my passion, that is what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. And with that, meant I had chosen a life in the entertainment industry.

I started to learn things... once I graduated and switched gears I decided to start working in the Video Game Industry. I started to learn how things really worked, I started to become a part of the community and I sort of crossed the curtain and got backstage. Like any career, there exists a social circle and community associated with fellow people who work in the same field/industry. The Video Game Community, while successful and prevalent, is still relatively small and news gets around. And you begin to become a bit more interested in the news regarding piracy.

We all grow and mature as we age. We begin to concrete and solidify the beliefs and morals we had struggled to form during our adolescence. As such, my views, thoughts and feelings toward piracy had changed as well. Being raised how I was and given my experiences growing up in Los Angeles, I began to understand just how important piracy is and how much of an impact it really does have.

I get into arguments with people all the time and I could debate this topic all day, but this isn't what I had intended for this post. The point is, everyone is entitled to their position and thoughts on piracy. I look at it, and I just can't believe in it anymore. Where once I wouldn't hesitate to download a game or movie or even a ROM, now, I find it difficult to justify it to myself. I know in my heart, that its wrong. It has a significant impact on the entire entertainment industry and is a serious problem that I believe needs to be resolved some how.

We as a species understand the need for entertainment, escape and joyful fun. We devote a significant portion of our lives, money and time toward ensuring we have some measure of it. It is important for our development as individuals and for the preservation of the cultural heritage of our species. In all walks of life, people like to play games, listen to stories and have fun. It is in our best interest to continue to nurture it and let it grow, so that it advances with us into the future.

I know a lot of people who like to blame the industry and put it on them to fix the problem. "What are they going to do to combat piracy? Piracy is a real problem, I wonder how they're going to deal with it." There is a general sense that piracy is a permanent part of human existence (in its current state of ease and prevalence) and that the only thing the industry can do is find a way around it or just succumb to its power. I don't like the answers the industry is coming up with... DRM, copy protection, install limits, etc. All pretty much bummer stuff that is no fun for the consumer or the people who are forced to implement them.

It also doesn't mean that Piracy is some mystical unstoppable force. It is not a materialized entity, whose form fears not of mortal efforts. Piracy is people. It is people who have access to an easy, low-risk, anonymous form of theft. Circumstances are pretty prime for this sort of crime; especially by people who would otherwise not engage in such activity had it be something that was difficult to execute, carry with it high risk or require them to be openly exposed.

A certain amount of "shrinkage", theft or hacking/cracking is something any business has to deal with. Not too long ago, all you had to worry about was employee theft, the rare break-in/robbery, the skilled hacker, etc. Things that were an expected loss and you compensated in some form.

Today, well, you can't compensate for what's going on. To that end, I've decided that a solution, at least for me, is to live by the old saying: Be the change you want to see in the world. In order for piracy to stop, people just need to stop taking things that they didn't pay for. Realize that while it may be free to you, its costing all the people who made it - something (not necessarily money.) That it's wrong and all of us who knew then, still know now... that it isn't okay and only we can stop it.

That's how I feel, that's what I decided. I just wasn't going to pirate anymore. If it's something that I really do want, well, I'll just have to pay for it. And I'll be happy to know that the money went toward the people who made the thing that made me so happy and entertained. I hope to be so lucky.

That's been the idea, ever since I made that decision. It's been a little while and, well, it's a rather interesting experience (from a psychological/scientific perspective.) It's been rather miserable at times, to be honest. It's sort of like weening yourself of any sort of addiction. It was a part of my life for so long and I had engaged in it so easily and thoughtlessly... it's a tough habit to break.

I'm not a saint, nor am I perfect. I am in pursuit of a form of perfection... an emotional and moral pedestal that I make my way toward. A concept, mindset and ideal that I know in my heart to be good and right. To live a life, free of any form of piracy.

I've had my moments of weakness... you're at a buddies house, he asks if you want to watch a movie... you're in a mood, you agree to the film... he torrents it quickly and you watch it. My xbox classic is still hacked, with emulators full of roms... (though I haven't used it since I made the decision.) I watched a wrestling thing on JustinTV...

I know those things were wrong. I strive toward not doing anything like that. I've made changes and I feel better for them. As I said, I'm not perfect. I don't think that makes me a hypocrite, I think it makes me human.

Something rather ironic happened recently that's in line with what I'm talking about here so I wanted to share that as well. I've decided to unhack my PSP and go legit on it. But because of the hack, I can't overwrite the hacked System Software. So I had to go online and order a hacking kit (with Pandora Battery) so that I could hack the PSP and put the official software on it and erase the mods. So strange but appropriate, I think.

A rather fitting metaphor.

Goodnight.
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On occasion, just as I am getting into bed - and my mind begins to wander - I start to think of things. Things I feel I should write down. But I'm tired and sleepy... the very reasons I got into bed in the first place. I tell myself, "You'll write it down in the morning... or sometime tomorrow. You'll totally remember." *cough* Yeah, so I lose a lot of really cool shit (at least I think so.) And I made a promise to myself that I'd try to get my ass out of bed when this happens and write it down.

So this was the first time doing it. I lost about 45 minutes of sleep doing it, but I'm glad I did it. Feels good to follow through on that. I'll be sure to read this tomorrow and see what I wrote... the problem with writing while falling into sleep is that the words sort of appear, make their way to the screen and then vanish. Here's hoping it made sense.

Signing out.