Oh... (a Panda)

Games (Revisit)

2012-01-20T22:02:00.000-08:00

The World
Four of Wands
Justice

Nine of Pentacles
The Empress
The Chariot (<-Interesting.)

Six of Swords
King of Cups
Seven of Swords

Two of Wands (<-Cool.)

Good.

2012 Revisit

2012-01-20T22:00:00.001-08:00

Fresh Cut:
Queen of Pentacles + Strength

The Spread:

The Emperor
Temperance (<-Hello.)
Three of Pentacles

Ace of Pentacles
Five of Pentacles
Seven of Swords

The Lovers
Wheel of Fortune (<-Interesting.)
Six of Pentacles (<-So true.)

Queen of Swords

Heavy influence of Pentacles and Major Arcana. Queen of Swords and Seven of Swords pair up.

1up

2012-01-04T21:47:00.001-08:00

1up

Set up an online bank account of some kind to accept donations or use an online charity/donation site. Also, find ways to get physical currency deposited as well - money gathered at fundraisers.

Find a scholarship (or make one!?) for college education that you can link up with for the donations. Find out the amount needed (or desired) to donate to effectively grant a college scholarship.

Set a threshold on the account so that when a certain amount is reached it triggers a scholarship and grants one to an approved applicant/donates it to the existing scholarship.

It'd be cool if it were called the 1up Scholarship.

Then... you know... raise some money :)

[Updated!] Mr. Panda's Chili Recipe

2011-12-31T09:44:00.000-08:00

Mr. Panda's Chili Recipe

Based off of Chef Hatton's basic chili recipe (thanks, Gabe!)

Vegetable oil - 1 tbsp
Onions (white), medium dice - 2
Garlic, chopped - 4 cloves
Ground Beef (Extra Lean) - 3 lb
Red wine (Cabernet Sauvignon or Malbec) - 2 cups
Crushed tomatoes, canned - 3 lb
Diced tomatoes, canned - 3 lb
Beef stock - 1 qt
Chili Powder (Blend) - 4 tbsp
Chili Powder (California Chili) - 2 tbsp
Ground Cumin - 2 tsp
Bay leaves - 3
Worcestershire sauce - 2 tbsp
Jalapenos (green), minced - 3 [2 seeded, 1 with seeds/ribs]
Jalapenos (red), minced - 2 [1 seeded, 1 with seeds/ribs]
Mexican Hot Sauce (i.e. Tapatio, Cholula, Mexi-Pep) - 3 tbsp
Salt and Pepper - TT
[I've been doing 3 tsp sea salt and 6 tsp ground black pepper]

In a large stock pot...
1. Saute the onions in oil until tender and translucent. Add garlic and saute for 1 minute.
2. Add the beef and brown, stirring occasionally. Drain off excess fat. Then, add the red wine and stir until mixed with meat.
3. Add the remaining ingredients.
4. Bring to a simmer and cook uncovered - stirring occasionally - until reduced to desired thickness (4-5 hours should do it.)
5. Remove bay leaves and adjust seasoning.

Makes 5 qt (1 gal 1 qt) - Serves approx. 10

Suggested Accompaniment:

"Jiffy" Brand Cornbread Muffins

WIBCI

2011-11-24T13:31:00.001-08:00

Story:

Game Designer travels to Oxford to live while designing a RPG epic. Drinks regularly at the Eagle and Child and working on his design there - a form of "studying under the masters." (a la Louvre in France.)

After a while there, a local introduces himself to Game Designer, asking if what he's working on is D&D. "I suppose it is, in a matter of speaking." GD invites him for a drink and talks for a while - getting to know him. Local confesses that he and his friends are a group of D&D players without a DM - and they've been dying for a game. GD confesses to being rather lonely and would welcome the company of gamers and hopefully new friends.

Local introduces GD to friends, they all get to know each other. GD agrees to DM his game for them. Everyone is happy, game happens.

At least one of the gamers is a female - introduce love interest. Story follows game development/progression, friendship, love and cultural displacement. Uses location well - Oxford (for Christ sake.)

Bonus! End of movie/story/whatever follows with release of epic RPG game!

Glimpse of the Future

2011-10-26T21:54:00.000-07:00

Ten of Swords
Eight of Cups *
The Tower

Ten of Pentacles
Judgement
Temperance *

Two of Swords
Page of Swords
Death

Five of Pentacles

Analysis:

This is arguably the culmination of all of my readings done as of late. Sort of capturing the current outlook of the future for the major paths I'm on.

The Eight of Cups is considered the "immediate influence" for my future. If we look at Reading 1, we see that as the final result to the programming question. That transition will clearly occur at some point and will be a significant influence on the final outlook on the future. I can't shake the feeling that it might be referring to something else though - something to do with the Tower maybe?

The Tower. Wow. I usually fear seeing this card in any spread, especially in the Ultimate Goal/Destiny spot (like we have here.) Though upon reflecting on it, it represents a rather intriguing option and path that I hadn't considered in this whole thing. Considering the general feeling I'm getting from these readings, The Tower not only seems like a logical outcome, but I don't necessarily consider it negative. It might actually be what saves me from (or is ultimately caused by) the Five of Pentacles.

Ten of Pents = When I lived at home. Judgement = Moving out and getting my new job. Distant past and recent events of how I got to this whole situation. Standard.

Temperance, however, is very interesting. It is seen here as a "Future Influence" (different from the Eight of Cups, more long term.) Reading 2 shows Temperance as the final result for my query into 2012. This is one of a handful of times I've ever seen the deck actually get this specific on timing. This spread acknowledges that the results of 2012 will have an influence on the final outlook on the future. Though it makes me wonder how far this reading is looking at.

Two of Swords = Current position/mindset. Page of Swords = Environment.

Death. I've seen this twice now tonight and I definitely agree that it reflects a strong portion of my inner thoughts/emotions. Not in any real morbid way (not any more than usual anyway) but more in a strong desire for change. I'm happy to see the consistency here. It should be noted as something to consider with the larger scheme.

The Five of Pentacles. Let's be honest here, after everything I've seen, the future is not looking like good times. But let's consider that all of this is representing a potential look at the future of my current path. Given the Eight of Cups and now the Five of Pentacles, it's pretty clear that attempting a future in Game Design/Programming leads to limited success and ultimately failure and abandonment.

But let's consider Temperance in this whole thing. Somehow all of this bad is going to get mixed with some kind good and it's important to note that whatever that good is, it hasn't appeared in any of the current readings (outside of Games.) This means that the good that will mix has to come from somewhere OUTSIDE my current path and maybe that's where the Tower fits in:

Something, I would venture Games related but who knows at this point, is going to be a good influence on me during this time of negative outlook. It will probably trigger the Tower or the Tower acts as the transition from this current path to a new one.

Of course, all of this is really just meant to give perspective. To speak to the subconscious and see where I'm at mentally and emotionally. I don't feel good about a lot of what I see. This could be a warning for me to either take it more seriously or just be mindful of my future choices. There are signs of hope and happiness, but it definitely looks like there are a lot of changes and more bumps in the road.

Well, when has anything ever gone smoothly?

~Goodnight~

Stick with games

2011-10-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

The Magician
Seven of Wands
Ace of Cups (<-yay!)

Ten of Wands
Judgement
Six of Wands

Knight of Wands
Two of Pentacles (<-so true...)
Six of Pentacles

The Sun (<-awesome.)

Despite it all, I guess in the end, I'm still gonna stick with Games as the main goal. If it leads to The Sun, I'm totally okay with that.

2012

2011-10-20T21:50:00.000-07:00

Queen of Cups
Ace of Swords
Three of Pentacles

Six of Swords
King of Pentacles
Seven of Swords

Seven of Cups
Four of Swords (<-*sigh*)
The Hierophant

Temperance

If it weren't for the Ace of Swords and Temperance, I would say this was a bad sign. Still, heavy influences from the the current plan (seen in previous reading) appear throughout this reading:

The Three of Pentacles, Seven of Swords and Hierophant are all directly referring to it.
Six of Swords led me there. Being the King of Pentacles put me in the right mind set for it.

The Four of Swords represents my effect on others or others' effect on me in this spread, baring in mind that the question was referring to future events. Considering that the Four of Swords was shown as a Future Influence in my previous reading, this is clearly where it fits into the larger scheme of things.

Temperance sounds all well and good (all things considered), I just don't know if/how the Eight of Cups fits into that.

*picard* *sigh*

Further Analysis:

The spread makes a lot more sense once you include Reading 3 (see above.) Temperance is really explained here as the resolution between the Eight of Cups and The Sun. It essentially boils down to: I will probably end up abandoning my current specific plan, but, regardless, if I stick with games, it will end up in success.

The concern here is that now that I'm aware of the possibility of Reading 1, what does that mean toward my attitude in following through with it? There were positive signs (namely success) in there that are the result of doing the thing (see Ace of Swords, Seven of Swords, Three of Pentacles, The Emperor) and if it's related to Games then it still has to contribute toward The Sun somehow.

If anything it means I may just end up abandoning the current path, but still staying on the overall goal, to my ultimate Ace of Cups + The Sun, which is really sweet.

Resolution? Stick with the plan.

Noted and acknowledged.

Shit.

2011-10-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

King of Cups
Seven of Pentacles
Ten of Wands

Ten of Swords
The High Priestess
Four of Swords (<-Watch out for this!)

The Hanged Man
The Emperor
Knight of Pentacles

Eight of Cups (<-Shit.)

Is it worth the Four of Swords just to end up with the Eight of Cups? Is it worth honestly reconsidering a life goal purely because of a reading?

Isn't the point to gain perspective, though? Maybe the point was to just get me to think about it.

Shit.

Dread Bach (!) - Track List

2011-05-05T20:11:00.001-07:00

1st group of tracks for consideration as Game soundtrack:

"Sleepers, Awake!" Cantata, BWV 140
Bouree in E Minor (Tag: Resting/Camp)
Brandenburg Concerto No. 3 in G
Cello Suite No. 1 - Prelude (Tag: Intro)
Fugue (Tag: Outro)
Jesu, Joy of Man's Dreaming (Tag: Ending Sequence/Credits/Recap FMV)
Orchestral Suite No. 2 in B Minor "Badinerie" (Tag: Forest - Daytime)
Toccata in D Minor (Tag: Inner Sanctum/Boss Intro)
Partita No.3 in E Major for Solo Violin, I. Prelude (or Prelude in E Major)
Prelude No. 1 (from 'Well-Tempered Clavier') (Tag: Menu Screen/Start Screen/Pre-game)

Dread Bach (!) - Intro + Track

2011-05-05T20:07:00.001-07:00

Intro to Game

Track 1: Cello Suite no. 1 - Prelude

Soft character control while credits roll on screen with simple action in the background.

Thought: Ocean/coast, character is arriving at a port. Action coincides with music in the form of character running on ropes/ships and through the port.

Hmm...

2011-02-22T20:37:00.000-08:00

Who is the Queen of Wands? Who is the King of Wands? Beware the Fool.

Future - The Spread:

Four of Cups
Two of Cups
The Fool
Nine of Cups
Queen of Wands
King of Wands
The Devil
Six of Cups
The High Priestess
Knight of Wands [so true!]

Note from the Future

2011-02-17T20:53:00.001-08:00

All in all, things look pretty positive. Be mindful of the Four of Pentacles.

Work - The Spread:

Death
Two of Cups
Ace of Swords
Seven of Cups
Six of Pentacles
Four of Pentacles
The Hanged Man
Six of Cups
The Emperor
Wheel of Fortune

Also, be wary of The Moon.

Home - The Spread:

Page of Wands
Queen of Cups
Page of Pentacles
Six of Swords
Ten of Wands
The Moon
Four of Wands
Nine of Swords
Temperance
Ace of Swords

Mr. Panda's Chili Recipe

2011-01-20T21:24:00.000-08:00

Based off of Chef Hatton's basic chili recipe (thanks Gabe.)

Onions, medium dice - 2
Vegetable oil - 1 tbsp
Garlic, chopped - 4 cloves
Ground Beef - 3 lb
Crushed tomatoes, canned - 3 lb
Diced tomatoes - 3 lb
Beef stock - 1 qt
Chili powder - 4 tbsp
Cumin - 2 tsp
Bay leaves - 2
Worcestershire sauce - 2 tbsp
Jalapenos, minced - 4
Cholula - 3 tbsp
Red wine (flavor matters) - 2 cups
Salt and Pepper - TT (recommend 1:3 ratio)

1. Saute the onions in oil until tender and translucent. Add garlic and saute for 1 minute.
2. Add the beef and brown, stirring occasionally. Drain off excess fat. Add the red wine.
3. Add the remaining ingredients, bring to a simmer and cook uncovered until reduced to desired thickness (3-4 hours should do it.)
4. Remove bay leaves and adjust seasoning.

Makes 5 qt (1 gal 1 qt)

Suggested Accompaniment:

"Jiffy" Brand Cornbread Muffins

Genesis 6:7... what?

2010-09-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

From King James:

"And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them."

Wow... I'm always amazed when I'm reminded how brutal a God we have in the Bible. We must have fucked up something terrible for an ever-loving omnipotent Eternal to regret its own creation.

Harsh.

The New World [!]

2010-07-15T21:36:00.000-07:00

There is a bacteria... a very special kind of bacteria.

This bacteria can be found off the coast of many nations across the world.

It has only recently evolved and has a very unique diet.

It eats Oil.

There is a group. They have a vision.

A vision, of a New World.

A World free of the dependency on oil; of a fuel that destroys the planet and holds nations hostage to its limited supply.

The current rate of consumption, it would still be years before the supply ran out. It would be too late.

They had a plan: Hyperevolve the Oil-Eating Bacteria and use it to destroy the worlds accessible crude oil supply. Force the world into developing alternative energy sources. The world built on oil would crumble into the past and a New World would arrive. The dawn of a new era.

What they needed was a way to give the bacteria access to immense quantities of oil and force the bacteria to evolve.

So they found the easiest way to get a lot of crude... They got into the oil business.

They worked their way into corporations...

And they caused an oil spill.

And they made sure, that it was a big one.

For the good of the World.

[NTS] Twist with the Tower

2010-05-26T22:31:00.000-07:00

Make the tower have variable stages. Ones that are changed by the climber.

Make those changes permanent for the run of the climb.

When the PC completes the tower, they are crowned champion.

They are the Tower Champion until a new climber comes to take on the tower.

(New Game+: Allow PC to climb same tower only now the story changes to account for them being the Champion?)

New Game++ Style: New PC is a climber attempting to climb the tower of the current Tower Champion (former character.)

Tower setup is based on the previous PCs run.

Find a way to get users to be able to enter any players User Name to run their tower.

Note To Self

2010-05-25T22:07:00.001-07:00

Modify OGL rules.
Incorporate early 90's square-style RPG elements.
Create basic custom RPG rules set.

Mine brain for crazy ideas.
Run the game for player(s).

An event is occurring...

2010-05-23T22:38:00.001-07:00

Lost ends tonight.

In fact, as I'm writing this, it is in its last hour.

It's a cultural event. A fairly large one. I'm not sure if this is the kind of thing that is remembered throughout the annals of history and down into the generations. But it's definitely going to cause a small ripple.

Strange to be outside of the ripple.

You usually don't think about the goings-on in other social circles. I mean, I'm sure that there is a world rodeo championship that - to the people participating in it and following it - must be a HUGE deal. But I'm not in the rodeo circle, so not only do I not care at all about the world rodeo championship, but I this is the most I've thought about it ever.

Those things don't bother me.

But, while I've never seen a single episode of Lost, I hear people talking about it every week and it definitely seems like something I would like.

I've made the decision that I'm going to watch it after the whole thing is over. I'm going to give it some time to happen and then watch it at my own pace.

While I think it would be good to experience Lost and know what people are talking about when they bring it up... it won't be the same. For the people who've been watching it every week for 5-6 some-odd years... the people who waited weeks or months (season change) to see new episodes... the people who talked and speculated week to week about what happened the night before...

An event is occurring; and right now, it is culminating.

I'm actually rather eager to hear people's thoughts and feelings on it. As someone outside of it, but interested, it puts me in a rather interesting position. Much in the way they waited for tonight to happen... I'm sort of having my own waiting game. Rather strange.

Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day.

Goodnight.

It's quite alright with me

2010-05-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

You know that movie Paycheck?

Yes you do, it's awesome. (Fuck you, Jeremy.)

Ben "Phantoms" Affleck is a reverse engineer who does his work then gets his mind erased. They know how far back to go because they place a sort of chemical bookmark in his brain. Trapping a moment in time and setting the place he will leave off mentally though a year (or some such) has gone by.

I found my chemical bookmark while looking through an old post. I wrote it about a month into starting my job at 2K. Stumbling onto it by accident, I was shocked at how impactful what I had written would be to me, today. It's as if, unknowingly, I had left myself a message in the past, meant for the me of the future.

Sometimes we forget how we stepped on the path we travel.

Reading the words, it instantly returned me to my mind at the moment I wrote it: What I was feeling... my dreams and my hope for the future. My confidence in my career change and choice.

I've learned a lot since then. I've experienced so much in just over a year. To think of who I was back then, it's like thinking of a different person. I've grown and changed a lot.

And... sometimes you get lost. You lose focus. Your mind clouds and you forget how and why you got to this place.

And sometimes, you just need a reminder. A fresh kick in the tuchus (if you get my meaning here). A moment of self reflection and life-check. Making sure we're doing what we want to do and are working toward the right goals. It's reassuring to look that in the eye and nod with confidence.

It's refreshing and invigorating. Breaths new life into the soul. Makes me rather happy.

It's alright,
It's quite alright with me.

Writing Exercise - Whatever the Cost

2010-05-03T23:00:00.000-07:00

Blood dripped onto the cold, stone floor.

Returning the ritual dagger to his belt, Adam closed his eyes, drew upon his power and whispered a name. Kneeling before a steel ring embedded onto the floor, he ran his bloodied hand over it, echoing the name again. Intoning the name a third time he empowered the circle with an effort of his will and a faint, blue glow rose around it like a barrier.

He rose as smoke billowed from within the circle, the smell of sulfur making his eyes water and burn. As it cleared, he saw a figure standing within: humanoid in shape, it had dark red skin and small horns growing from its forehead. It was dressed in fine, black robes and was resting a thick, black tome in the crook of its arm. Its eyes darted around, attempting to absorb every inch of the dark chamber.

“At least this one was smart enough to use a circle.”

Its voice was calm, deep and precisely articulated. It reminded Adam of his old mentor. He drew forth his power again and pointed at the creature with his bloodied hand.

“I bind you to this circle, Demon…”

The demon rolled its eyes and waved its hand in an impatient gesture.

“…and I name you: Kaz’rallah Hesh-barashamon.”

The demon grinned hard, canine teeth flashing with the blue glow of the barrier.

“Yes,” it growled. “I see we’re here for business. Enough with true-names, Wizard, call me Kaz. How may I be of service?”

Adam lowered his arm, blood running down his palm and gently splattering on the floor.

“You are Kaz, Infernal Loremaster and Keeper of Secrets?

“Indeed.”

“I have need of your Knowledge.”

“It’s always the same with your kind. How I adore the obsessive, academic nature of you will-workers. We are not so different, you know…”

“Enough,” Adam spat, cutting off the Demon. “I am in need of power beyond mortal ability and my need is dire.”

The demon’s grin grew wider.

“Of course it is. What is it that you seek to know?”

“My wife…” Adam whispered, his eyes losing focus for a moment before returning their gaze on the Demon. “She is sick and dying.”

“Surely this is something a Cleric could help you with?”

“No, I have brought forth every Cleric, Shaman and Healer I could find and they all say the same thing.”

The demon raised an eyebrow.

“ ‘I’m sorry. There is nothing that can be done. She has a wasting disease that will take her in time. Just try to make her comfortable and her last moments happy.’ They all look me in the eye as they damn my wife to a slow and torturous grave and tell me to make her happy.”

The demon chuckled softly to itself. Adam’s face grew red with anger.

“Does my suffering amuse you, Demon?”

“Verily, but that is not why we’re here. Your wife is sick and dying and there was nothing your healers could do. You want to know if there is a cure.”

“Yes.”

“I’ll need her blood.”

Adam pointed to a small vial on the floor within the circle, next to the demon’s blackened hoof. The demon knelt down, careful not to let any part of its body touch the blue glowing barrier. It lifted the glass vial and inspected it. “Yes,” it said to itself as it unsealed the container. The demon poured the blood into its mouth, groaning softly while its split tongue hungrily licked the inside of the vial clean. Kaz closed its eyes and sighed with satisfaction.

Adam could see the demon’s eyes - pressed against its closed eyelids - rapidly darting left and right as it stood in silence. Finally, Kaz opened its eyes, canine grin returning to its face.

“Mind rot, a fantastically terrible affliction. Tell me, Wizard, how is it your wife came under this disease?”

“It does not matter. Is there a cure?”

“There is always a cure. Shall we discuss the contract?”

“This is not my first time dealing with your kind, Demon. Name the terms.”

The demon tapped its clawed finger against its teeth, pondering. “Hmm, yes, well you seem to be in luck. As it so happens, the cost for this little bargain is one and the same with the key component needed for the ritual. Return it to me and you shall have your wife.”

“Name it!” demanded Adam.

“Bring me the hearts-blood of the King of Mesik.”

Adam inhaled sharply as his eyes shot wide. “Brom,” he whispered.

“The very same. Brom, beloved King of Mesik. He is a man of great power; his hearts-blood is essential in completing the ritual and would be an ever so sweet addition to my collection. Do you know him?”

Thoughts flashed in Adam’s mind. Images of days gone by… a pair of young boys running through the spring fields; youthful men, close as brothers, practicing the sword and their lessons; one, seated on the Throne; the other, by his side with words of Wizened counsel.

The demon stared intently at Adam.

“Yes, I see you do. All the better, he’ll never see it coming.”

Adam’s eyes refocused on Kaz, grim in intent.

“Are you sure there’s no other?”

“Quite. It must be his and his alone; those are the terms. Bring me the hearts-blood of Brom, King of Mesik and I will give your beloved wife her life back.”

Adam stood in silence, reflecting.

“He was the best man at my wedding. I am godfather to his son. I am his most trusted friend and personal advisor. We’ve been through so much together…”

The demon sighed, its face serious, eyes glowing. Kaz spoke with a practiced calm.

“Think on this, Wizard: Your wife’s illness is a fantastic disease - it eats away at the mind. Each day that passes she will lose more control over her body until she is nothing more than a shriveled shell, incapable of moving from the pool of her own filth. Her memory will slip away, years at a time for each day that she suffers. She will forget her childhood, her parents, and her family. She will forget all of her accomplishments and teachings. She will forget you, Adam. Forget that she ever knew you or loved you or wed you. Her heart will recoil in terror at the sight of you, a strange man standing over her, touching her paralyzed and broken body. This will happen, Wizard, know it to be true…”

Tears began to stream down Adam’s face.

“…she will waste away before your eyes praying for someone to end her living hell, praying for someone to do what must be done.”

Kaz pointed at Adam, its gaze piercing. “You spilled your own blood and summoned me here. You beseeched me for a cure and you have found it. It is within your power, Wizard! You looked into your wife’s eyes and promised her you will do anything it takes, whatever the cost, to cure her. Will you be called Oathbreaker and let her die?”

Adam’s bloodshot eyes stared hard into the demon’s glowing orbs, spittle dribbling down his lips.

“No,” he growled.

“Then do what must be done! Fulfill your duty! Say the words!”

His uncut hand reached for the ritual dagger, gripping it tightly. Drawing it forth before him, Adam slid his palm across the glowing barrier, smearing blood in front of the Demon’s eyes.

“YES!” shouted the Demon.

Adam closed his eyes and chanted slowly, “…Ei-hu, Adam Kad-amon, sharrat, Kaz’rallah Hesh-barashamon…”

Kaz began to growl, deep and otherworldly; it raised its head high as the chamber filled with the hum of power and Adam’s haunting chant. Brushing its hand against the blood-coated barrier, the Demon’s eyes flared with hellish light, predator grin on its face.

“It is time.”

The demon opened the book it clutched to a page covered in Infernal script; a thick, plumed feather appearing in its open hand...

----------------------------------------------------

The door opened.

Adam entered the room, leaving behind him an empty chamber with a simple steel circle embedded at its center.

Closing the door behind him, he approached the sleeping form of his beloved, Leah. Gently kissing her on the forehead, he caressed her smooth cheek - his blood matting her hair and dripping onto her lips.

Turning slowly, Adam walked away from his slowly dying wife; blood gently dripping on the cold, stone floor.

Truth and the Mind

2010-05-03T22:45:00.000-07:00

For all the many ways we are each a unique snowflake;
We are also very much the same.

If we are in some manner the same, that means that to understand the self is to understand others.

If we know what makes us do what we do;
If we know what makes us feel what we feel;
If we can predict our own behavior...

We can predict the behavior of others.

If we can predict the behavior of others, we can begin to ask questions.

Questions that form hypothesis;
Hypothesis that form the basis for experiment.

Through experiment, we can begin to unlock the secrets of our very nature.

We begin to understand the various aspects of our humanity.

We can peel away the animal brain... the instinct and biological drive that whispers from the subconscious;
We can explain how we respond to each other and to the world.

We have learned so much about the mind... so much about why - and how - we are...

But, if we can delve deeper;
Search beyond what we can analyze, catalogue and empirically define...

What will we find?

Perhaps, the soul?

Be the Change You Want To See In The World: Memoirs of an Ex-Pirate

2010-04-01T22:22:00.000-07:00

I was there, at Napster.

Actually, I was there in IRC and AOL warez, mm and <>< chat rooms.

Back then, people thought of it differently. I remember when I was talking to some guys, talking about how they have over 72 GB of music (this is back in the late 90's mind you) and just being completely amazed and awed. To think these guys had been able to accumulate such a horde of music and software... it was incredible. Free versions of retail software that I otherwise couldn't ever possibly dream of affording. Tons and tons of music, more music than I had ever known existed at the time. Games... oh man, the games... I wanted some of that.

I remember friends telling me how they leave for school in the morning and set a whole bunch of stuff to download so its going all day... and do the same at night before going to bed. I remember people starting to get CD burners and for the cost of a blank disc you could get practically anything you wish. Someone had it.

And I searched for it. I sought it out. I amassed vast collections and shared them with others. I used the size of my cache to get me into exclusive IRC channels and networks that had minimum GB/TB share sizes. It was a fascinating world... one where people, just like you and me, dealt with incredible values in software and digital media. Like black market cartel tycoons, trading in vast amounts of illicit goods.

And it's not like we didn't know this was wrong. We understood that this was dealing in stolen merchandise, stuff that we didn't pay for but are benefiting from. Free riding on the work and money of others. But honestly, I don't think it really mattered to anyone. It was a subtle acknowledgment. At some point, everyone looked at themselves and said (in one way or another), "What you are doing is wrong." And we looked back and said, "Yeah, but I'm okay with it." Filed it away and moved on.

As time went on and the needs/desires of the pirate community grew, so did the technology. Gone were the days of FTP transfers and multi-part zip files. Things became a lot easier and with it, people who normally wouldn't be pirates due to non-tech-saviness, now they could easily take part in the action.

I remember when I first heard about bittorent. There was a website that posted scan translated copies of japanese manga by a certain artist. When the issue came out in Japan, it was scanned and translated to english by the site owners (or fans) and posted on the site. You downloaded a zip file and looked at jpegs to your hearts content. None of the manga was licensed in America, so it was legit on this side of the pacific. And one day they announced that they wouldn't be posting zip files anymore on the website. It took up too much bandwidth and instead they are going to use this thing called bittorent.

The day the manga was to be posted on the site, they got some people to seed the files and everyone, using the software off bittorent.com, was able to get it really quickly and easily. As long as people seeded we were able to download it whenever we wanted and, hey, be cool and seed for a while whydoncha. Sure, why not. It worked and everyone was happy. Most people still didn't really know about it.

But then people wised up and realized, hey, you can send ANYTHING via bittornet! Things exploded from there... bittorent sites were created and well, you know what happened then.

I was still on board onto this point. It became so easy to get anything you wanted that I grew beyond the need for a collection. If there was something I wanted, I torrented it. When I was done, I deleted it. If I needed it again, no sweat, rinse and repeat. I even considered myself tame in comparison to some friends of mine... hell, everyone! Torrenting had just become a part of life, something you did as easily as check e-mail and post on facebook. It's then that some things changed for me.

All through college, I was simultaneously working on internship stuff for the CCG (and hobby gaming) industry. Ran playtest groups, worked conventions, did demos, ran tournaments, forums, etc. etc. etc. I knew that no matter what, I wanted to work in games. That is my passion, that is what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. And with that, meant I had chosen a life in the entertainment industry.

I started to learn things... once I graduated and switched gears I decided to start working in the Video Game Industry. I started to learn how things really worked, I started to become a part of the community and I sort of crossed the curtain and got backstage. Like any career, there exists a social circle and community associated with fellow people who work in the same field/industry. The Video Game Community, while successful and prevalent, is still relatively small and news gets around. And you begin to become a bit more interested in the news regarding piracy.

We all grow and mature as we age. We begin to concrete and solidify the beliefs and morals we had struggled to form during our adolescence. As such, my views, thoughts and feelings toward piracy had changed as well. Being raised how I was and given my experiences growing up in Los Angeles, I began to understand just how important piracy is and how much of an impact it really does have.

I get into arguments with people all the time and I could debate this topic all day, but this isn't what I had intended for this post. The point is, everyone is entitled to their position and thoughts on piracy. I look at it, and I just can't believe in it anymore. Where once I wouldn't hesitate to download a game or movie or even a ROM, now, I find it difficult to justify it to myself. I know in my heart, that its wrong. It has a significant impact on the entire entertainment industry and is a serious problem that I believe needs to be resolved some how.

We as a species understand the need for entertainment, escape and joyful fun. We devote a significant portion of our lives, money and time toward ensuring we have some measure of it. It is important for our development as individuals and for the preservation of the cultural heritage of our species. In all walks of life, people like to play games, listen to stories and have fun. It is in our best interest to continue to nurture it and let it grow, so that it advances with us into the future.

I know a lot of people who like to blame the industry and put it on them to fix the problem. "What are they going to do to combat piracy? Piracy is a real problem, I wonder how they're going to deal with it." There is a general sense that piracy is a permanent part of human existence (in its current state of ease and prevalence) and that the only thing the industry can do is find a way around it or just succumb to its power. I don't like the answers the industry is coming up with... DRM, copy protection, install limits, etc. All pretty much bummer stuff that is no fun for the consumer or the people who are forced to implement them.

It also doesn't mean that Piracy is some mystical unstoppable force. It is not a materialized entity, whose form fears not of mortal efforts. Piracy is people. It is people who have access to an easy, low-risk, anonymous form of theft. Circumstances are pretty prime for this sort of crime; especially by people who would otherwise not engage in such activity had it be something that was difficult to execute, carry with it high risk or require them to be openly exposed.

A certain amount of "shrinkage", theft or hacking/cracking is something any business has to deal with. Not too long ago, all you had to worry about was employee theft, the rare break-in/robbery, the skilled hacker, etc. Things that were an expected loss and you compensated in some form.

Today, well, you can't compensate for what's going on. To that end, I've decided that a solution, at least for me, is to live by the old saying: Be the change you want to see in the world. In order for piracy to stop, people just need to stop taking things that they didn't pay for. Realize that while it may be free to you, its costing all the people who made it - something (not necessarily money.) That it's wrong and all of us who knew then, still know now... that it isn't okay and only we can stop it.

That's how I feel, that's what I decided. I just wasn't going to pirate anymore. If it's something that I really do want, well, I'll just have to pay for it. And I'll be happy to know that the money went toward the people who made the thing that made me so happy and entertained. I hope to be so lucky.

That's been the idea, ever since I made that decision. It's been a little while and, well, it's a rather interesting experience (from a psychological/scientific perspective.) It's been rather miserable at times, to be honest. It's sort of like weening yourself of any sort of addiction. It was a part of my life for so long and I had engaged in it so easily and thoughtlessly... it's a tough habit to break.

I'm not a saint, nor am I perfect. I am in pursuit of a form of perfection... an emotional and moral pedestal that I make my way toward. A concept, mindset and ideal that I know in my heart to be good and right. To live a life, free of any form of piracy.

I've had my moments of weakness... you're at a buddies house, he asks if you want to watch a movie... you're in a mood, you agree to the film... he torrents it quickly and you watch it. My xbox classic is still hacked, with emulators full of roms... (though I haven't used it since I made the decision.) I watched a wrestling thing on JustinTV...

I know those things were wrong. I strive toward not doing anything like that. I've made changes and I feel better for them. As I said, I'm not perfect. I don't think that makes me a hypocrite, I think it makes me human.

Something rather ironic happened recently that's in line with what I'm talking about here so I wanted to share that as well. I've decided to unhack my PSP and go legit on it. But because of the hack, I can't overwrite the hacked System Software. So I had to go online and order a hacking kit (with Pandora Battery) so that I could hack the PSP and put the official software on it and erase the mods. So strange but appropriate, I think.

A rather fitting metaphor.

Goodnight.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On occasion, just as I am getting into bed - and my mind begins to wander - I start to think of things. Things I feel I should write down. But I'm tired and sleepy... the very reasons I got into bed in the first place. I tell myself, "You'll write it down in the morning... or sometime tomorrow. You'll totally remember." *cough* Yeah, so I lose a lot of really cool shit (at least I think so.) And I made a promise to myself that I'd try to get my ass out of bed when this happens and write it down.

So this was the first time doing it. I lost about 45 minutes of sleep doing it, but I'm glad I did it. Feels good to follow through on that. I'll be sure to read this tomorrow and see what I wrote... the problem with writing while falling into sleep is that the words sort of appear, make their way to the screen and then vanish. Here's hoping it made sense.

Signing out.

It's quite alright

2008-11-16T02:52:00.000-08:00

It's been an interesting few weeks; and an especially busy week.

Each and every day I find myself getting more and more comfortable with my job. I'm learning quickly and working hard. My efforts are being recognized, which is a new experience for me. I work with a lot of really cool people and I'm making new friends. Suffice to say, it's probably the best "job" I've ever had. The pay isn't the best, but it's about moving up, so I don't feel so bad about it.

Speaking of which, I met an Egyptian vampire at work. She worships Anubis, Nepthys and Seker (Gods of Death)... yeah... She seems nice enough, but she cannot possibly be up to any good. I'm not sure what her plan is yet, but I'm going to find out. One day, I will most likely have to kill her... or she'll kill me, either way, it will end.

Karl got a job at 2k. He starts training on Monday. It will be interesting to work with him, as I've never actually been in a professional working environment with him. I mean, I've known the man over 10 years, but I can honestly say this will be a new and interesting experience. It'd be cool if he were on my project.

My work schedule gets me up early and in bed early. I have weird part of the day free, which means that I could possibly hang out with people if I wanted. But, in an effort to save money, I'm kind of forcing myself to be a bit anti-social and just stay in. It's doing some funky things to my head though, I'm finding myself losing touch with people and time moving very quickly. It's... disconserting... I need to make sure to remind myself to stay connected with people, lest I be left without friends.

That being said my life seems to be finally moving at the pace I was planning for. There were some serious bumps on the road, but now I am progressing into my plans with confidance. I look forward to seeing where life takes me and have a generally positive attitude about the whole damn thing. Truth be told, I was feeling a bit bummed recently, some kind of weird general depression; but for the most part, life is keeping me pretty happy.

It’s alright,
It’s quite alright with me.

Ophir in the Bible

2008-11-08T14:17:00.001-08:00

OPHIR
o'-fer, o'-fir ('owphiyr (Gen 10:29), 'owphir (1 Ki 10:11), 'ophir):

1. Scriptural References:
The 11th in order of the sons of Joktan (Gen 10:29 = 1 Ch 1:23). There is a clear reference also to a tribe Ophir (Gen 10:30). Ophir is the name of a land or city somewhere to the South or Southeast of Palestine for which Solomon's ships along with Phoenician vessels set out from Ezion-geber at the head of the Gulf of Aqabah, returning with great stores of gold, precious stones and "almug"-wood (1 Ki 9:28; 10:11; 2 Ch 9:10; 1 Ki 22:48; 2 Ch 8:18). We get a fuller list of the wares and also the time taken by the voyage if we assume that the same vessels are referred to in 1 Ki 10:22, "Once every three years came the navy of Tarshish, bringing gold, and silver, ivory, and apes, and peacocks." The other products may not have been native to the land of Ophir, but it is certain that the gold at least was produced there. This gold was proverbial for its purity, as is witnessed by many references in the Old Testament (Ps 45:9; Job 28:16; Isa 13:12; 1 Ch 29:4), and, in Job 22:24, Ophir is used for fine gold itself. In addition to these notices of Ophir, it is urged that the name. occurs also in two passages under the form "Uphaz" (Jer 10:9; Dan 10:5).

2. Geographical Position:
At all times the geographical position of Ophir has been a subject of dispute, the claims of three different regions being principally advanced, namely (1) India and the Far East, (2) Africa, (3) Arabia.

(1) India and the Far East.
All the wares mentioned are more or less appropriate to India, even including the fuller list of 1 Ki 10:22. "Almug"-wood is conjectured to be the Indian sandal-wood. Another argument is based on the resemblance between the Septuagint form of the word (Sophera) and the Coptic name for India (Sophir). A closer identification is sought with Abhira, a people dwelling at the mouths of the Indus. Supara, an ancient city on the west coast of India near the modern Goa, is also suggested. Again, according to Wildman, the name denotes a vague extension eastward, perhaps as far as China.

(2) Africa.
This country is the greatest gold-producing region of the three. Sofala, a seaport near Mozambique on the east coast of Africa, has been advanced as the site of Ophir, both on linguistic grounds and from the nature of its products, for there all the articles of 1 Ki 10:22 could be procured. But Gesenius shows that Sofala is merely the Arabic form of the Hebrew shephelah. Interest in this region as the land of Ophir was renewed, however, by Mauch's discovery at Zimbabye of great ruins and signs of old Phoenician civilization and worked-out gold mines. According to Bruce (I, 440), a voyage from Sofala to Ezion-geber would have occupied quite three years owing to the monsoons.

(3) Arabia.
The claim of Southeastern Arabia as the land of Ophir has on the whole more to support it than that of India or of Africa. The Ophir of Gen 10:29 beyond doubt belonged to this region, and the search for Ophir in more distant lands can be made only on the precarious assumption that the Ophir of Ki is not the same as the Ophir of Gen. Of the various products mentioned, the only one which from the Old Testament notices can be regarded as clearly native to Ophir is the gold, and according to Pliny and Strabo the region of Southeastern Arabia bordering on the Persian Gulf was a famous gold-producing country. The other wares were not necessarily produced in Ophir, but were probably brought there from more distant lands, and thence conveyed by Solomon's merchantmen to Ezion-geber. If the duration of the voyage (3 years) be used as evidence, it favors this location of Ophir as much as that on the east coast of Africa. It seems therefore the least assailable view that Ophir was a district on the Persian Gulf in Southeastern Arabia and served in old time as an emporium of trade between the East and West.

A. S. Fulton

Bibliography Information

Orr, James, M.A., D.D. General Editor. "Definition for 'OPHIR'". "International Standard Bible Encyclopedia". bible-history.com - ISBE; 1915.

1 Kings 10:11-13 (The Queen of Sheba exchanges gifts with King Solomon)

2008-11-08T14:07:00.000-08:00

Then she gave the king one hundred and twenty talents of gold, spices in great quantity, and precious stones. There never again came such abundance of spices as the queen of Sheba gave to King Solomon. Also, the ships of Hiram, which brought gold from Ophir, brought great quantities of almug wood and precious stones from Ophir. And the king made steps of the almug wood for the house of the Lord and for the king's house, also harps and stringed instruments for singers. There never again came such almug wood, nor has the like been seen to this day. Now King Solomon gave the queen of Sheba all she desired, whatever she asked, besides what Solomon had given her according to the royal generosity. So she turned and went to her own country, she and her servants.

(Thank you Orry, this pleases me greatly.)

Transitions in a Small World

2008-10-26T12:01:00.000-07:00

I have completed my week long training at 2K Games. Today was my first real day of work in QA Testing. My transition period is finally at an end. Quite a profound place to be at the moment...

It's exciting to be at the first steps of a new journey. Makes me hopeful for the future. I have some big plans for myself and I plan on bringing them to fruition.

Work was really good today. I was expecting to be given a few days to get used to my project, but apparently that wasn't what my lead had in mind. We jumped right into the fire and it was exhilarating. I like my team, I like my lead, they like me. We seem to be working well together.

I've already done some good work, my lead made sure to note that he noticed. Feels good to be appreciated and acknowledged for your efforts. I think I'm going to like it here.

Small World Anecdote:

So Friday was Lisha's birthday party. Due to its proximity to Halloween, she requested it be a costume party. I dressed as Walter Sobchak from the Big Lebowski, successfully.

Anyway, so I'm mingling, drinking, etc. Meeting all sorts of cool people and just basically being social among friends. At some point in the night I end up chilling out in a chair for a while, just to enjoy the night air. Anyway, nearby two ladies are in the midst of conversation and in my boredom I ended up eavesdropping. One of the ladies was facing toward me, she I recognized as Emerson's sister. The other had her back toward me and I couldn't see her face; although, something was familiar about her voice...

As I was contemplating where I'd heard her voice before, she turned her head to the side and I caught site of her profile. That's when the bells went off. My brain started shouting at me, telling me that I knew this person but not sure why.

So I turned to my memory, "Well, what've you got?"
Memory shrugs and says, "Uh... shit... we got nothing so far. But we're looking!"
"Splendid. Emotion, how about you? Got anything?"
"All we got is a sense of 'missing,' like she was there for a time, then left."
I blink. "..."
Emotion clears it's throat, "So... yeah."
"Okay. Thank you, Emotion."
"Sure, boss."

This goes on for a while, me stuck at a stalemate with who this person is. At which point I got up and had to ask her:

"Excuse me, who are you?"
"Hi! My name's Noelle." We shake hands. Memory takes over.
"I knew your name was Noelle!"
"Really? Weird. You look familiar too, what's your name?"
"Ophir." Recognition shows on her face.
"I knew your name was Ophir." It's not just me, perfect.
"Shit. This is going to drive me nuts. Where do I know you from?"
"I don't know. Where did you go to school?"
"Calabasas. You?"
"Oh, I didn't go here, I was in New York for High School."
Fuck. I've never been to New York.
"Fuck. I've never been to New York."
"Yeah, I've only been here for 5 years." 5 years!? Perfect! Now I have parameters! Memory, go!
"5 years, okay, that gives me something to work with."
"Haha, okay."
"Did you go to college or school while you were here?" Could be from school.
"No, sorry."
"No, that's good! 3/4 of the past 5 years for me was school and sleep, we just narrowed it down a bunch."

At that point, Memory came back with the answer and took over:
"Did you work while you were here?"
"Yes."
"Did you work at Tony Romas?" Her eyes go wide, a smile creeping on her face.
"Yes!"
"I worked with you at Tony Romas!" YES! SWEET HOLY JESUS YES!
"YES!"

We hug for a while and end up talking for a long time, catching up. Turns out she worked with me for several months in 2003. We were really chill and she ended up leaving because they wouldn't give her time to go to Bonaroo. I missed her. It was good to see her. What are the random odds she'd be at this party. Small world.

Perfect Walls

2008-10-14T11:52:00.000-07:00

The walls themselves will be plain, flat white.

Hanging on those walls, framed in medium thickness black-stained wood are the following posters:

The Big Lebowski
Back to the Future, Part II
Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
Demolition Man
Metallica - Ride the Lightning
Nirvana - Smiley Face
Queen - Classic
Muse - 2007 Limited Edition Melbourne Music Festival
Mastodon - Blood Mountain

Hmm... I'm going to need some pretty big walls.

From the realm between dream and sleep.

Destination Unknown

2008-10-04T01:08:00.000-07:00

What a week.

Jewish high holidays started this week, beginning with the New Year. But like all Jewish holidays, the day before, the day of and sometimes, the day after are also celebrated. Lots of family, lots of food... busy, busy, busy.

I went and saw Rancid with Orry today. We had an extra ticket (Tahl ended up flaking out) that we ended up selling to a scalper for $9. We met up with Jeffy and his friend Tony at the show just before it started.

The first band was this terrible group called Societies Parasites (or something along those lines, it had "society" and "parasites" in the title.) They were on the 1/2 an hour and left without complaint. Listen, I don't expect much from an opening band... just a beat that I can nod my head too... and I couldn't even get that.

Next was Manic Hispanic. I like those guys a lot. This is the 2nd time I've seen them, the first being when they opened for Offspring. They're a cholo punk cover band that just sings the songs they cover in spanish. Good fun, very entertaining.

Finally came Rancid. Lots of energy, fairly basic setup: 3 guys in front, drummer in back, huge screen on which generic rancid videos are playing. Apparently they ended up playing 32 songs (30 +2 encore) which was awesome, that's punk music for you. After about the first third I went into the pit. I moshed to some random song I didn't know and then Maxwell Murder came on (one of my favorites) so I had to continue. I ended up shooting out of the pit in places I didn't like, so I kept going back in until I got to a spot I liked.

I ended up at the front border of the pit next to Tony. He and I ended up rocking out together for the remainder of the show. At Time Bomb I boosted him to start crowd surfing, which was fun.

Only two downers of the show were the following: At some point some guy from the pit spun into me and elbowed me at the base of my spine, just above the hips. I freaked out because everything below my waist got tingly, but I recovered. Another time was this guy next to me asked for a boost so he could crowd surf, to which I was happy to oblige. So he's standing facing me, I bend down and put my hands in a cradle to support him. He puts his left foot on my hands, I boost him; and just as he is coming up, his right leg kicks out and hits me square in the balls. My god did that hurt. I had to put my arm across the back of the guy in front of me so I could recover. All in all, not bad.

In the end I was sore, (very) sweaty and slightly deaf. Very friendly put, lots of friendly people and all-in-all a really great show. I had a lot of fun and was happy to lose some frequencies in my hearing in exchange for the good times I had.

As tradition dictates we met up at Denny's after the show (we decided on the one at Sepulveda and Burbank), grubbed up and went our separate ways. I peeled the sweaty clothes off myself as I got home and jumped into the shower. A perfect ending to a very full day.

Tomorrow I run errands with Jeffy and play D&D. Looking forward to both... hopefully I get some good sleep tonight. I'm pretty sure I will, I'm exhausted.

Goodnight Neverland!

Happy New Year

2008-09-30T14:43:00.000-07:00

To all fellow Jews out there, Happy New Year 5769.

Supposedly, it's Jewish superstition that if you get a new job just before the New Year that it will be a very successful one. I found out last night that Square-Enix has added me to their game testing talent pool. That's fancy talk for I got the fucking job! I'm not really one for superstition, but sometimes things are just a good sign.

Lots of changes for me this year. I am no longer with the Friar House. I have moved back in with my parents to save money. I have taken over Tahl's old room in the garage, it's pretty sweet. It took some getting used to but I finally made it my own.

I've been unemployed for a little over a month. I went through a lot of emotional states regarding it, but I'm pretty much enjoying it now. That being said, I'm looking forward to beginning the development of my career in video games.

I've decided that I'm going to run a New World of Darkness - Mage game. My roleplaying needs have grown more sophisticated; and while I will enjoy playing in Orry's D&D game, I need to run a game that focuses more on roleplaying and character drama. I look forward to developing that project as well as other endeavors in the near future.

Things are changing... that "transition" period of moving and unemployment looks to be coming to an end. It's time to begin the new chapter of my life. I'm really looking forward to it.

Good Morning World

2008-09-28T04:54:00.001-07:00

One hell of a Saturday.

Goodnight.

4:54am